By Anthony Payton
Granite State News Collaborative
On what was a relaxed day for me, I went to the apartment of my co-parent, Shaunte Whitted, to pick up my daughter. It’s in these moments that I get to watch her in action. Shaunte gives new meaning to the word, multi-tasking.
While I was there, she bounced between answering emails, showing the kids the proper way to clean their rooms, and making dinner. She blew past me at least five times within a few minutes, and wasn’t thrown off course by a single thing.
As she went about her business, she spoke about doing laundry, tending to her ailing parents and then making time for herself: Good tea, soothing music, walks and acupuncture when she can. Some days she burns sage. Some days it’s a few reruns of “Sanford and Son” when she has the time.
I’m sure that there are plenty of mothers who can relate to that. Her life is likely very typical of many women. Hectic schedules, balancing love of family and career with community — these are some of the common threads that bind us.
Shaunte’s story isn’t different from many others, regardless of race. I wanted you to meet this fantastic woman and learn about her journey.
Shaunte is amazing and unique in her own way, but the way she takes care of her family, career and community is far from ordinary. And while it’s gotten better, the multi-tasking mom and businesswoman is not the narrative that gets repeated most often about Black women.
Whether implied or said outright, the myth of the Black woman who’s a drain on society persists. I’m talking about the stereotype of a woman who’s holding a toddler while flanked by 10 more kids with her hands out. This myth, as untrue and unfair as it is, has shaped the perception of Black women in this country.
To those who still hold that image in their minds, let me tell you about my mother. She built a life with my father, but was still strong as an individual. We lived in the projects in Brooklyn and I was blessed to have a mother who prioritized and sacrificed her health and goals, just to push us forward. Mom kept things going. She cooked, educated, disciplined and loved us.
There were plenty of examples of this beauty and strength in my building tenement. There was Ms. Betty Hartley, Ms. Gail, and Ms. Buggs, who not only raised their children and grandchildren, they looked over and protected everyone else’s children as well.
They helped their children with homework and made sure that chores were done in the house. Regardless of their race, they were providers. Hunter/gatherers. During times of economic instability, I’ve seen Black women stretch food to feed huge families, and those meals were delicious.
And let me tell you some more about Shaunte.
She’s a long-term resident of New Hampshire, doting mother, business owner, manager, community leader and activist. She is also my co-parent.
Her schedule mirrors that of so many mothers in New Hampshire. However, her life, joys, fears and accomplishments can be seen through the lens of a Black woman living in the Granite State.
Shaunte’s story also has a deeper meaning for me, as she’s my former fiancée. I know some of this story well because when she speaks of her children, she speaks of our children.
As a co-parent, there were parts of her story that tugged at my heart. Parts of it made me feel guilty because I was in prison for so many of these key moments. Yet, she soldiered through it. Furthermore, she continued to be a stakeholder in the uplifting of her community.
We may not be together anymore, but we’ve gotten to a point where we make sure that the children's futures are at the forefront of our dreams and goals. Shaunte’s dreams are vivid, and she’s doing everything in her power to make them a reality.
When one speaks of Black families living in New Hampshire, very few can compare to the longevity and familiarity of the Whitted family. I was blessed to have been welcomed into their world around 2009 when Shaunte and I first met.
Compared to a handful of women I encountered, she was leaps and bounds ahead in terms of drive and maturity. She was family-oriented, compassionate and diverse — attributes that still hold firm to this day. I’ve watched her assist in many community programs and functions, and her prep work is meticulous.
I hope to share with you some of the magic that I’ve been privy to for quite some time, and I believe that many will find some insight within her story.
I would respectfully ask any of you to answer this question. How different is Shaunte from yourself or any woman in your life? Are there any similarities or common threads that bind us?
If your answer is yes, well then, that’s a wonderful start to bridging gaps and building all of our communities and collective families.
Anthony Payton is a freelance writer and father living in Manchester. He can be reached at anthonypayton111@gmail.com. To subscribe to The Common Ground podcast visit commongroundpodcast.podbean.com/
These articles are being shared by partners in The Granite State News Collaborative as part of our race and equity project. For more information, visit collaborativenh.org.